Lessons From The Past: Constructive Living, Importance of Structure & Atonement For Past Mistakes

This Week:

What non-fiction I’ve been reading

I recently started reading Constructive Living by David K. Reynolds. 

The premise of the book is:

“This book offers a strategy for handling life’s problems by both purposefully redirecting attention and engaging in constructive action—that is, doing something about the problem that caused the upset in the first place. The goal is not to ignore or suppress feelings, but to accept them as they happen to be at the moment . . .  and then to get on with doing what is sensible and mature anyway.”

It also teaches how to skillfully live life:

“Constructive Living teaches you to pay attention to all of life’s activities. You practice living moment by moment with all your attention. And you become skillful at living. That’s the way to win in life—become skillful at it.”

I found this book through the recommendation of Recovering Overthinker on Instagram. I’ve only just started reading it so, I’m pretty pumped to unpack the techniques in the book over the next little while. 

What I’m listening to 

Last week I listened to Greg Mckeown on the Tim Ferriss podcast. Mckeown’s Essentialism has been on my reading list for quite some time and I plan on reading it after I finish Constructive Living.

The conversation between Mckeown and Ferriss was insightful and here are some key pointers I took away. 

1. Relationships with family will have a much greater influence on your happiness and fulfillment than almost anything else.
2. Use reminders for what matters in your life.
3. Easy daily structure: Do 1 thing that is essential, 2 things that are urgent and 3 things for maintenance. 
4. There’s a big difference between 20 years of experience and living the same year 20 times.
5. Most fights in relationships are about feeling secure with your partner.
6. Effective Dependency: where we feel deeply seen, emotionally seen and understood by the other partner.
7. You need structure or a system to take care of the most essential things in your life.
8. Without structure or system, you won’t be able to avoid the non-essential things in life.

What I’m watching

I’ve been slowly making my way through the anime, Vinland Saga. 

I’m currently on season two of the story and afterward, I plan on picking up the manga. One thing that really stuck with me as we follow Thorfinn’s character arc is the question: How do you atone for your mistakes?

For those not familiar, a young Thorfinn is completely corrupted by the idea of revenge which leads him to commit heinous acts before a revelation changes him for the good. However, just because you’re changed doesn’t mean your previous actions don’t mean anything. 

You’re still that guy who committed evil.

So, how can you atone for your sins? 

The idea put forth in the anime is to do so much good that you end up tipping the scales in your favour. This seems idealistic and perhaps a little naïve but it might be the only way to atone for your sins. 

A training insight

Don’t be obsessed with the idea of replicating someone else’s form or technique.

The perfect form or technique has to be perfect for you and not a universal standard that you try to contort and force your body to fit.

For example, stretch mediated hypertrophy is shown to be valuable for muscle growth. This has led to an emphasis on the stretch and figuring out ways to stretch a particular muscle beyond the normal range of motion.

But I found for myself that when I try to manufacture a stretch beyond the normal range of motion involving my shoulder girdle, I end up having slight pain and discomfort. However, there are plenty of others who can perform those movements without any discomfort.

Consistency and longevity are the name of the game. It may be true that you could miss out on some percentage points of progress, however, the number one killer of progress is injury. If you injure yourself trying to gain a few extra percentage points, then you gambled poorly.

Week 8 Lessons

Stoic Reflections: Dealing With Anxiety

Musings from Epictetus’ Discourses – Week 16

April 18th, 2024

Where he has skill, then, he has self-assurance too; bring any layman you please in front of him and he won’t be concerned; but where it is a case of something that he doesn’t know and has never studied, there he feels anxious.

Anxiety is then related to the unknown. 

When do you feel the most anxious? 

If I think about myself, my anxiety was always highest before a big test at school or when I was meeting someone new or about to make an important decision. 

All of these have an element of the unknown. 

I used to look at anxiety as something that was bad. That something was wrong with me for feeling anxious. However, it seems to be a naturally occurring part of life. To have no feeling regarding the unknown seems to be unnatural. 

Once you understand the relationship between anxiety and the unknown, you’ll be able to handle it much easier as you’ll be expecting it the next time you have something important going on in your life. Like an old friend, it will come and like always, it will go away and you’ll realize you were overthinking or making a big deal out of nothing.  

April 20th, 2024

Zeno was thus in no way anxious when he was about to meet Antigonus;* for Antigonus had no power over the things that he valued, and the things that Antigonus did have power over were of no concern to him. Antigonus for his part did feel anxious when he was about to meet Zeno, and with good reason, since he wanted to please him, and that lay beyond his control. But Zeno had no desire to please Antigonus, any more than any other expert wants to please a layman.

Another element of anxiety is its relationship with things that are beyond our control. 

Here anxiety about our future comes into play.

We want to map our future perfectly but that’s not how life works. Because so many things are out of our control, people tend to feel anxious when thinking about what is going to happen. That anxiety can lead to inaction. 

The best remedy is acceptance. You have to be able to accept that some things won’t go your way in order to make big life decisions. Similarly, you have to accept that not everyone who comes into your life will like you or will stay.

It seems as if we only have a handful of choices in life to deal with a myriad of issues.

Accept that too.

Week 15 Reflections

Stoic Reflections: Morality & Developing Systems

Musings from Epictetus’ Discourses – Week 15

April 9th, 2024

And if instead of being a man, a civilized and sociable creature, you’ve become a wild beast that is harmful, treacherous, and liable to kill, have you lost nothing at all? What, must you lose a bit of money to suffer any damage, and does the loss of nothing else cause damage to a human being? If you were to lose your knowledge of grammar and music, you’d regard that loss as being damaging; and yet if you lose your sense of shame, and dignity, and kindliness, you count that as being of no importance?

Seems like people are more concerned about losing money than they are about losing one’s morality.

Even if I look at my own actions, I tend to think twice when it concerns my financial well-being compared to actions that may damage my character such as repeating poor habits or giving into poor ways of thinking. 

You should look through the lens of your character when making decisions, the same as you might with your finances. But, can you really go through life without taking action that might or will damage your character? Even with finances, you do have to gamble or risk your money every now and then and deal with the consequences if things don’t work out.

However, those actions are typically more informed. Although some financial risk is taken on a whim such as gambling, more often than not it’s planned. But actions concerning our character are taken on a whim. Often for pleasure.

That’s the distinction.  

It comes down to making informed decisions.  

April 12th, 2024

Is the pleasure of the moment, then, something that can properly inspire us with pride? Take care not to say that it is, or I’ll no longer regard you as being worthy of even using the scales!

The aversion to pleasure is one thing I don’t fully agree with. Part of the human experience is to indulge in pleasure. Your existence is short and there are plenty of pleasurable moments worthy of your limited time. But what pleasure is worth it and what isn’t? That’s the distinction you have to make for yourself. 

One way to do that is by listening to yourself. If you feel shame and guilt after a particular act then perhaps that pleasure wasn’t worth it. But this isn’t a perfect system because there are people who have been conditioned to feel guilt and shame for simply feeling happy or putting themselves first. For them, shame and guilt might be an indication that they did the right thing and overtime they can break the conditions set upon them. 

So, first and foremost, you have to understand yourself. See where you come from and what kind of person you are. Once you know that, then you can determine a system to help you navigate life. 

Week 14 reflections

Stoic Reflections: Proper Action & Self Growth

Musings from Epictetus’ Discourses – Week 14

April 3rd, 2024

That is why philosophers recommend that we shouldn’t be contented merely to learn, but should add practice too, and then training. For over a long period of time, we have got into the habit of doing the opposite of what we have learned, and the opinions that we hold and apply are the opposite of the correct ones. So unless we put the opposite opinions into use, we’ll be nothing more than interpreters of other people’s judgements. For who is there among us at this present time who cannot give a systematic account of what is good and bad?

It isn’t enough to just know. You have to put into practice what you have learned in order to truly master it. Everyone knows the difference between good and evil, everyone understands what are good habits and bad habits, everyone is aware of what the right thing to do is. 

However, we still make mistakes, do bad things, and repeat poor behaviour. 

Because the act is more important and difficult than understanding. However, once our actions align with our understanding, that’s when real progress can be made. That’s when you realize how much control you have over your life and the direction it’s headed. 

So, don’t get lost in learning and debating knowledge. Refine yourself and your understanding through action.

April 6th, 2024

Now what is the calling of a citizen? Never to approach anything with a view to personal advantage, never to deliberate about anything as though detached from the whole, but to act as one’s hand or foot would act if it had the power of reason and could understand the order of nature, and so would never exercise any desire or motive other than by reference to the whole.

How much crossover is there between individual pursuit and the benefit of your community? I believe if you pursue your higher self you will naturally positively affect your environment. The higher self is focused on overcoming personal pain and trauma while chasing struggle and discomfort in order to achieve set goals. 

This personal hero’s journey will result in the individual maturing and learning valuable lessons which then can be imparted to others. But, there is this period of self pursuit. You have blinders on as you get lost in your own world. But once you come out of that, your value to the community is ten folds compared to someone who only does things for the community even if that means not pursuing one’s deepest ambitions. 

However, I do agree with not approaching others or your community with the mindset of gaining a personal advantage. That puts you into competition with other people when in reality, you should be competing with yourself. When you compete with others, it can result in negative feelings and attitudes that go against human cooperation. 

Week 13 reflections

Lessons From The Past: Masterful Writing, Timeless Advice & Healthy Habits

This Week:

What fiction I’ve been reading

Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner has been an interesting read. You know the core of the story from the very first chapter and the proceeding chapters sprinkle in new details and different perspectives on what you already know in order to flesh out the story. 

Despite the story’s repetitive nature, the book is captivating. The credit for that goes to Faulkner, of course. He is a master of language. The way he describes events and people’s features and their thought processes is incomparable to anyone else. 

For example: “Ellen was dead two years now—the butterfly, the moth caught in a gale and blown against a wall and clinging there beating feebly, not with any particular stubborn clinging to life, not in particular pain since it was too light to have struck hard, nor even with very much remembrance of the bright vacuum before the gale, but just in bewildered and uncomprehending amazement—the bright trivial shell not even to any great extent changed.”

Breaking down and studying his sentences and paragraphs can make you a better writer and open your mind to new ways of forming sentences. 

What I’m listening to 

Cal Newport is one of my favourite writers and thinkers. His book, Deep Work, changed the way I think about productivity and goal setting. 

He recently appeared on the Tim Ferriss podcast where the two of them discussed many topics but one thing that stuck with me was the concept of being so good that they can’t ignore you. 

Nowadays, there is this need to be an expert in various fields while mastering different social media platforms to become successful. 

But Ferriss and Newport don’t support this idea. They cite the example of how someone like Daniel Day Lewis isn’t spending his free time between filming and in between movies trying to grow his TikTok following. Instead, he’s using his time to master his craft. 

The point is that mastery requires complete dedication. You can’t dedicate the same amount of time as you do to your craft as to your hobbies and other interests. 

It has to be pure dedication. 

What I’m watching 

Hypertrophy Coach aka Joe Bennett is one of the most resourceful sources of hypertrophy information I’ve come across. Recently, I’ve been binge watching his Q&A series where he thoroughly covers various topics related to muscle building, exercise selection, joint angles, dieting, warming up, and much more. 

His YouTube page is also full of training cues and techniques and complete workouts that provide further info on how to train safely for longevity and muscle growth. 

A training insight

Get your steps in. 

Walking is one of the easiest ways to burn calories outside of the gym. Especially after eating. The more active you are the higher the chances your body uses fuel to build muscle. 

Besides, walking is also an easy way to do other things like listening to audiobooks or podcasts. The majority of my listening comes on walks. 

You can also do what Cal Newport calls meditative walks where he will think of one question or problem for the entire walk and oftentimes, once the walk is finished, he’ll have an answer or solution to it. 

Getting your steps in also allows you some wiggle room if you’re dieting. Otherwise, you have to be very strict with what you put in your body if you’re trying to lose weight. But when we burn calories throughout the day thanks to lifting weights and 1-2 short walks a day, you have other variables to play around with instead of simply decreasing calories week to week. 

This makes losing weight much easier. 

Week 7 Lessons